“It’s like being single, but with geography”

I have about a month and a bit before I pack all my belongings and move off again. While my friends are often envious of how I am able to pack up and go, I crave the opposite. I long for that true feeling of ‘home- a place covered in plants I slowly learn how to take care of, a beautifully crafted large wooden table, walls covered with freshly printed photos from recent adventures, a shelf with my favourite books, and a group of friends I can readily call for a night of boardgames, movies, or a potluck. I miss that.

After spending about a month and a half back up in Townsville, I have returned to Hobart for the last three months of the year (or should I say decade, lol). I do my best to make myself feel at home and as ‘settled’ in as possible. I make sure I bring along a set of photos and polaroids captured from the past few years to make this temporary home feel more like a space of my own. But it’s been hard. And I’m tired. I’ve met some amazing people while I’ve been here in Hobart. I often get a high when I meet someone on the same wavelength with similar interests. It’s one of my favourite feelings. By the end of the conversation, there’s always a “we should definitely do that the next time we meet up!!!”. I’ve often replied with a “Yes definitely!”. But I have realized more and more, that many of these said ‘plans’ won’t become a reality because of this particularly transient time of my life. This realization also explained why I hadn’t been putting as much effort into making new friends during my time here. I always end up telling myself “What’s the point of trying to hang out more if I am just going to leave soon anyways?”. I hate goodbyes. It’s a horrible loop of thoughts. I value quality time with friends to a great extent, and I push myself to make the most of the time I have left. But more often than not, I end up overloading and stressing to the point where I am not actually present in the moment anymore.

Don’t get me wrong though. I am so, so, grateful for the wonderful friends I’ve met, and friendships that have grown even stronger during this “I-think-I-am-going-through-my-quarter-life-crisis” year. I guess there’s always going to be the pros and cons in every stuation. So for now, I will ironically end this train of thought with an advice from a friend: “You’ll have lots of time in your life to live in one place, so just enjoy the variety you have now because hey, it’s like being single, but with geography” .

Right Person, Wrong Time

I stumbled across a video today on Youtube titled “Right Person Wrong Time”. I’ve watched it before, but it’s been especially relatable with what has happened in the past few weeks. I’m not going to go into detail, because he’s probably going to read this eventually (hahaha, butthead…), but regardless, the whole concept of ‘timing’ is something I have been reflecting a lot about.

The video is pretty simple, a girl brings her friend along to visit a male friend of hers. That male friend has a roommate. Roommate and friend realise they have a lot in common. They get chatty. A connection is formed. They lose track of time. He goes on to ask “So what’s the next big adventure?”. Then reality strikes, and she replies by saying “Well, I’m actually moving to Toronto”. A pause, and then an all too familiar reaction, “Oh”.

Timing eh?

She’s retelling the story of her encounter with a friend at a cafe, and she concludes by saying: “You know it’s really interesting when people just randomly appear and enter your lives? And it’s based on the choices you make that we let them stay or not. You know I always think of What Ifs. What if we were in the same city? Or if it was years later…would things have worked out? I also wonder was it the right person at the wrong time. But then again, I also think, that if he was the right person, it would be the right time… I guess we’ll just never know”

Wow, does that ever hit home. My heart aches at that last line.

Timing is a funny thing in life. Sometimes it works in your favor, and sometimes it doesn’t. I think it’s beautiful in a way, because moments come when you least expect it. Life is riddled with uncertainties. But there are a only a few people in your life where real connections are made. And you should cherish those connections, and fight for it. The reality is, timing is never going to be perfect. And maybe that is something I am starting to realize more and more of. There’s always going to be something that gets in the way of ‘love’. So perhaps it’s not the timing of events I should always dwell over, but whether or not the ‘right person’ is actually the right person for me. Because the feeling should be reciprocal. The right person in your eyes, and the right person in their eyes, will seize the chance because, it’s a choice you are willing to take the leap for.

Warm Fuzzies

I recently came across a video from Hank Green called “15 of My Favourite Feelings”, and it possibly is one of the few videos on Youtube with the most positive comment section. Since I’ve been really reflective in the past month, this video hit home for me. I’ve always made a strong effort to appreciate the little things in life by documenting special moments in my journal, or making lists of my “top tens”, such as my favourite smells, sounds, or sights. But for some reason, the idea of “feelings” sort of slipped my mind, and perhaps why I did is something Hank Green explains quite well: “It was surprisingly hard to come up with them. When we’re confronted with negative experiences, we want to analyze them and think about them and remember them for future use. But with positive emotions, we often just feel them and enjoy them, which is wonderful, but also leads to us putting less weight on them and it seems like they take up less space in our minds. No one feels comfortable shouting at the world about how great their day was, or what a cool person they met. Recognizing and harping on the positive experiences we have is a great way, I think, to both have a better outlook on life, and have more positive experiences.”. 

So with that in mind, here’s a list of 15 of my favourite feelings, or how I’d rather say-
My Warm Fuzzies

1. A good (long) hug
2. When there’s an instant connection with someone you’ve just met
3. Having heart to heart conversations and losing track of time
4. Laughing so hard with a friend you start tearing up, snorting, or are in abdominal pain.
5. Watching an elderly couple dance
6. When a song comes on from shuffle and describes exactly how you are feeling at the moment
7. Jamming out to songs from your childhood
8. When my favourite foods in the grocery store are on sale (e.g. kale)
9. The view from the top of a mountain after a long hike up
10. Watching a beautiful sunset
11. The relief after an oral presentation
12. Crossing the finish line of a race
13. The silence that follows when you play the last note of a musical piece with your band, and feel like you’re part of someting so much bigger.
14. The first night under fresh bedsheets
15. When your eyes wander to another pair of eyes in a room, and you both smile at the same time for no real reason at all.

I’ve been adding more to my list of warm fuzzies, and let me tell you- everytime I’ve read through them, I could not stop smiling! Perhaps it’s because I’m brought back to a moment that reminds me of that warm and fuzzy feeling. Or I’m just super nostalgic. Either way, I think there is a lot of value in reminding yourself what brings you joy in life. So, what are your warm fuzzies?

🙂

 

before sunset

“… because I always feel like a freak, because I’m never able to move on like…this, you know? People just have an affair, or entire relationships…they break up and forget. They move on like they would have changed brand of cereals! I feel like I was never able to forget anyone I’ve been with… Each person has their own, specific details. You can never replace anyone. What is lost is lost”. – Celine